25 Things..

25 phrases you wish you could say at work more often




1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. No, my powers can only be used for good.

24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

25. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

I work in a Hospital…. ER and L&D.

1. Sorry 'bout your bad luck.

2. Why, yes sir, I am going to have to cut that off.

3. It hurts when you do that? Maybe you should stop doing that…

4. Really… there is NO WAY you are pregnant? You have No idea how that got there?

5. … you shouldn't reproduce.

6. How did you get anyone to fuck you? Geez…

7. She's got a baby coming out of her, but YES, SIR, Let's talk about how your toe hurts…

8. Hey You. Fuck Off.

9. Really… you are going to pass out when she gets an epidural? No. You watch because men don't know the half of it.

10. Really… you think it's funny to talk about an extra stitch 'down there'… I can think of a few places to put it on you sir…

11. Oh, see, you thought I was still listening… I stopped.

12. I will gladly 'go to hell' as long as you won't be there.

13. Just remember… Ma'am… I control your pain meds.

14. Trust me, I'm a Doctor.

15. "Abso-fucking-lutely"

16. You came to the ER for a sore throat? Oh, that's right, because this is your private clinic and you don't pay taxes… thanks for that bill.

17. Really… morphine, demerol, and narc aren't working.. let me guess, you need dilaudid?

18. Wow. I felt like all the Oxygen was sucked out of the room and then I realized you were still talking…

19. Hello, I'm Doctor Drake Ramoray…

20. A nip/tuck.. ha, that's funny, I was thinking more or a snip/snip…

21. No, I'm not a doctor, I just pretend everyday is Halloween.

22. No, it shouldn't look like that..

23. Maybe a dingo ate 'chor baby...

24. ...There are all those medical options, ORRRR, I could just smother you with a pillow.

25. You, yeah you, the one tapping your foot and cutting your eyes at me… keep doing that, it's helping.

I work in a Bank.

1. Did you really just come through my drive through and hand me a State ID card?

2. Yes, it's all my fault that you can't do math and overdrafted your account.

3. See that sign over there? The one that says please have your deposit slip ready?

4. I'm sorry that I have no idea who you are and need to make sure you're not lying...next time I'll be sure to hand your money out to a stranger.

5. My gods you are stupid.

6. No I can't accept your library card as ID!

7. And this line states that I retain possession of your soul.

8. Just let me give your kid a sucker so she'll shut the hell up.

9. ....I'm not stupid...when you hand me a giant stack of ones and ask me to change it to hundreds...I'm gonna think you're a stripper.

10. See that security guard with the gun outside? Yell at me one more time, I dare you.

11. Shut yer mouth and get out of line, you are standing between people and their money.

12. Who on earth told you that hairstyle looked good?

13. My gods are you wearing the entire dollar store worth of make up?

14. And I care why?

15. When you asked me if I speak Spanish I believe my answer was no...that didn't mean continue gabbering like I'm gonna instantly learn it.

16. Do you really want to argue with someone who can report you to the government stating you were laundering money?

17. Yes you absolutely forged that signature.

18. Oh no you didn't!

19. You mailed your payment with the wrong payment stub and you're asking ME why it didn't get processed?

20. And I'm gonna play video games in the vault now.

21. Online Banking! How hard a concept is this?!

22. The check you deposited was put on hold because you're an asshole and we don't trust you.

23. Does it look like I know the mortgage rates?

24. What the fuck is this shit?

25. Well that seems stupid.